1-3 | End of the Road

I wasn’t sure how many days had passed, but my hand was healing and Gundrun at some point left some art supplies on my porch so I was painting again. I had to have some outlet for my emotions. My life consisted of painting and fishing. I painted until my hands were blistered then went fishing to clear my mind.      

I was in a state of depression. I couldn’t eat, I barely slept, all I could think about was Iris and her family. A family that didn’t include me. I let the newspapers pile up, along with the mail and forgot to pay my bills, which in turn brought the repo man for what little bit of furniture I had. Thankfully he only took a window and a dining chair. I was at an all time low and I knew it. I was no better than my once dead self.

I continued to dwell on Oskar’s words knowing in the back of my mind he was right but my heart would never be ready to let Iris go.

I was out fishing one evening and saw a ghost tip toeing along the beach before jumping in. At first I thought he was swimming then it became apparent he was trying to kill himself despite being already dead. I recalled that feeling of hopelessness, of being trapped and wanting anything to take the misery away. That’s when it hit me, I wanted to live. I wanted to have the option to be happy. It was my choice to either let misery consume me or to be happy unlike when I was dead and only had the one option. I packed up my fishing pole and headed straight to city hall. I needed to make some money.

For the next few months I made peace with myself as much as I could. I painted and sold every painting I made with the exception of three that I kept for myself. I saved every dime I made and in my spare time I went to the library to study and to use their computers to search for real-estate. I wanted a new beginning. I needed a new beginning.

Since I had been a jerk and had ignored Gundrun I decided to invite her out to the park, just to talk and to thank her for being such a great friend to me.

“Hey, thanks for meeting me. I know I’ve been a real jerk lately and I’m sorry. I just want you to know that your friendship means a lot to me, and I am going to miss you.”

“You’re going to miss me? Where are you going?” Her smile faded and I felt a little guilty. I suspected Gundrun had a little crush on me.

“I’ve been thinking it over and it makes no sense for me to stay here. I need to let go of my past. I’m going to move to Roaring Heights and start a new life.”

She played with a loose thread on her gloves. I had never known her to be this quiet. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but I had to do this or I would never find my peace. She gave a weak smile. “I understand Olaf. I wish you the best of luck. You have my number, if you ever need anything just call.”

I watched as she walked away.

                                                       ----------------------

I decided to go to the local bar to have a drink and in a sense say my goodbyes. I was tired of seeing ghosts. I was tired of seeing my past. I hoped Roaring Heights would be just what I needed.

After leaving the bar I went to the graveyard to visit my grave. It was strange standing there seeing my name. Memories flooded my mind like a movie trailer, they played on an imaginary screen in my head. I was saying goodbye to a town, a life and a love.